How I’ve become a more patient mother during the quarantine
It seems backwards, doesn’t it? You would expect to have short patience and lose your cool more often during this quarantine time. Have we done this? YES! I definitely lose my cool at least once per day, if not more. But there’s a flip side. That is… that I have learned how to be a more patient mom.
What pushes buttons
Do you have something that pushes your buttons? Something that irritates you every single time it happens? For me, in our house, it’s dad… it’s when daddy sits down, doesn’t help, and can see that I’m losing my cool. The kids aren’t listening and he doesn’t help to reinforce the rules or won’t give a timeout. Mom’s ALWAYS the “bad guy”. But with some tips on how to be more patient, you definitely can!
Whether it’s the kids that push your buttons because let’s be real, that’s where it all starts, or a significant other, there are ways to help with your patience level and I’m excited to share those ideas with you today! Kids are only trying to learn, and they are only trying to figure out how to express emotions. Especially if you live with a 2-3-4-year-old. Now if it’s your significant other, there are exercises that you can do to help become a more patient mom and wife.
Step one to become a more patient mother – stay calm
Okay, so yeah, we yell in our house. But it has quickly become an epiphany of mine, that yelling makes things worse (you might already know this). If our voices are calm and quiet, we tend to get better results! It’s so tough to not yell some times. the system that works for me, is to take a breath (away from the kids), walk to them, sit them down in my lap and talk quietly. Keeping it brief with not too much explanation. In fact, my husband just tried whispering to our 3-year-old today and he quickly calmed down and instantly listened. Imagine that!
Just the other day, the kids were fighting over one toy. Because they always want THE SAME DAMN TOY that the other one has. I mean, seriously, you have 982348 toys in this house and you can’t find a different one? Anyways, I did yell the first time, it got worse. So they ended up doing it again, fighting over a toy and then hitting each other with it. I took a breath outside, walked to them, and sat down on the floor, down on their level. Took away the toy (because discipline is important) and told them calmly that when they fight over a toy, it will get taken away and they can find a different toy.
Siblings feed off of each other, and even though we did our best to prepare our oldest for his little brother, they still tend to fight! But after the toy was taken away, they both screamed like hell for a few minutes but I walked away, into the kitchen and finished dinner, I let them be. Which brings me to the next step. One, stay calm and discipline, two, let them be.
Step Two – let them be
Temper-tantrums are new territory for us, so becoming a more patient mother has never been more difficult than during this quarantine time since our 20-month-old has decided to turn into some sort of toddler-monster. So here are some tips on how to be more patient when it comes to tantrums.
How do we deal? Well, we let the kids be alone! (safely). We have tried comforting, holding, feeding, changing, talking, singing and the only thing that seems makes anything better…. is to just leave them alone. Screaming, kicking, throwing things (as long as it’s not AT someone), and let the tantrum run it’s the course. Typically we’re also able to redirect his attention to something different and more fun, like playing outside with some new toys!
Next time you have to deal with an unruly toddler, try this trick. Because the more you try and control them/the situation, the more they will fight and your patience level will go down fast, and your stress and anxiety level with skyrocket. Kids feed off of that and they feel what you feel.
Gosh, I love when things just flow because case-in-point…. they feel what you feel, brings me to step 3.
Step three – the last step to become a more patient mother – know that they feel what you feel
You’re angry? The kids will act angry, you are overstimulated, your kids are DEFINITELY overstimulated. Stressed and anxious? The kids will be too. If you, mama, can figure out how to TRULY feel and stay calm, it’s going to be easier to become a more patient mother. Your kids trust you and they confide in you. Some days when you find yourself with zero patience because that’s almost every day, you need to take a step back, try and calm down yourself to collect your feelings. Then simply, listen to the kids, even when they can’t speak.
They want to tell you what’s wrong but their emotions are so big and they do not know how to show them or tell them to you. Show them that you’re mom, and you’re there. That you’re never going anywhere. You are their safe-haven whenever they need to just let loose for a little bit. Because if you remain calm, they will FEEL a sense of calm with you and things will settle (eventually). This is one of my favorite tips on how to be more patient.
This too, shall pass
Cliche, I know. It will pass. The quarantine will pass, the tantrums will pass, so will time. The time will pass, these young toddler kids who are testing your patience every day, all day, will grow up and test you on a whole new level. So might as well learn how to become a more patient mother now compared to those teenage years that are coming way too fast.
Enjoy this time with your family and as things start to go back to somewhat normal, remember these three steps to help you to become a more patient mother and use these tips on how to be more patient!