Are you about to be a new mom? Let’s chat about what REALLY happens to your marriage after having kids because I know you’re curious.
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Have you had “the talk” about having children or not, and now decided WITH your partner that it’s time to take that leap into pregnancy, and parenting?
Yay for you then! This is an extremely exciting time. Now I bet your mind is on nothing else but trying to get pregnant and bringing your own little bundle of joy into this world.
It can be a long journey for some, and quite quick for others. It can be easy for some, and more difficult for others. Before you dive into it, there is something that you should know. You can PREPARE yourself for what REALLY happens to your marriage after having kids. But that isn’t always enough.
You have discussed, now you’re ready! Or so you think
Well, the discussion is (part) of the battle. A very, very small minute part of the battle of becoming parents. So, whether you think you’re ready or not… you are not. You’ll never be. You can only prepare for baby so much and you still might get thrown a curve ball. I am so sorry to say it this way, but I am just being honest and sharing the harsh truth of it.
After the discussion and getting pregnant, now you wait! Not only do kids (once they are here) change your marriage and your life completely… but pregnancy might do the same. It can be exhausting for all parties involved, not just the mom.
During pregnancy, it’s completely normal to be feeling many different emotions. It is important to let your significant other know that this is the case and hopefully they can learn to take a step back and let you be when you need space! If not, just tell them. For the love of everyone… just tell them to back off and let you be pregnant. Be honest with your significant other when you’re pregnant and keep those communication lines open.
Now you’ve made it through pregnancy, you’ve had your shower and got everything on your registry that you asked for!
Baby is coming.
Baby is here.
What really happens to your marriage after having kids.
Well dad… sorry. You are not number one anymore. No matter what anyone tries to tell you. That baby is first, for the BOTH of you. This can mean that communication might go down hill, and it’s very possible that even though you agreed on some parenting techniques, you will not agree on all and arguments could become more normal than you’d like.
Not to mention, that date night you talked about always having once a week? Once a month…. I’d advise that you seriously TRY to make this a top priority. We didn’t, and still don’t. This gets to be exhausting.
Now, yeah, we struggled. But you know… for better or for worse. And when there’s an additional human in the house that takes priority instead of your significant other….it tends to be worse for the marriage.
How do we fix it?
Well. COMMUNICATE. Stay calm, and communicate. If you need to leave the room and cool down for a minute, do so. But SAY THAT.
Ignoring didn’t help anyone, ever. Neither did the silent treatment. So keep the communication lines open and talk to each other. Dad, give mom a break once in a while. And mom, understand that this is all new to dad as well, he is just as scared if you are… if not more.
The one other thing to help keep your marriage “alive” is to use those date nights. Not going to lie, it won’t be every single week. So make it a goal once per month or every other month. It does not need to be an overnight. Just go out to dinner, or take a shopping trip, go bowling or to a friends house.
Tell each other that you love each other and show affection. I have noticed through three years of kids has really put a damper on our affection for one other. The days that we do a simple MEANINGFUL kiss goodbye makes for a better day for us. Seems odd and silly that something so small can have such a big impact.
That is also something to remember. The small simple things can mean the most. Say “thank you” and don’t be shy to ask one another for help. Be honest and true, yet humble. Never put the blame on one another and admit when you are wrong. This helps you to respect each other and what you do for the kid(s) and in the home.
Lighten up, and have fun
You have a baby and while that might mean your marriage is going to suck for a while (there I go with the harsh honest truth again), does not mean it has to come to an end.
Don’t be that statistic without trying some things first like communicating, date nights, and affection towards one another. Now for some, this doesn’t work. And I am so sorry for those who it doesn’t. Typically whatever happens between mom and dad is BEST for the child(ren) and the parents.
You need to do what works for you and what is best for you and your family. I am telling you our story and what worked for us. It did suck for a while and we had some serious talks. Because that’s reality. It happens.
Then we remembered why we married in the first place. Our love and support for one another can withstand the greatest storms. We would not want to go through this crazy ride of parenting without one another and would not trade it for the world.
We’re not perfect, our marriage is not perfect and neither are our parenting techniques.
But yet here we are, happy (most days), still married, and we are keeping our tiny CRAZY little humans alive every day.
There you have it, What REALLY happens to your marriage after having kids. For most people it sucks for a while, but there’s a way to prepare and there’s a way to get through it. Let’s remember here, I’m no doctor and I’m not a therapist of any sort. But I do have two ears, and can listen and offer help and advice when asked.
Go kiss your significant other MEANINGFULLY and hug those children. It will all be okay.